Meltdowns, Shutdowns and Getting Back to Calm
What a meltdown actually is, why punishment makes it worse, and a step-by-step plan for before, during and after — for your child and for you.
Understanding it
A meltdown is not a tantrum. A tantrum is goal-directed: a child wants something, and the behavior stops when the goal is met or clearly refused. A meltdown is a nervous system that has exceeded its load and lost access to the thinking part of the brain. There is no goal to negotiate with, which is why bargaining, threats and consequences either do nothing or pour fuel on it.
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When to reach for more support
Get additional support if episodes involve serious injury to your child or others, if they are increasing sharply despite changes, if your child is self-harming or talking about not wanting to be alive, or if you are frightened of your own reactions. In the US, 988 reaches the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by call or text, day or night. An occupational therapist assessment for sensory needs and a school-based plan are also worth pushing for — you are allowed to ask for both.